A friend recently gave me a notepad with the letters SUV in bold yellow letters on a bright red background. No, she wasn’t promoting sport utility vehicles; she was reminding me to Stop Unnecessary Volunteering. Ever since I stopped working full time, I have been frantic to find “meaningful” activity to fill my days. I’ve done a pretty good job of it too, if I do say so. There are tours at the Archives, volunteer work with MAO, countless hours doing bookkeeping for a friend who “needs me” and there’s always something to do at church.
All those years I worked, didn’t I yearn for days to call my own? Didn’t I say I wanted to read everything? Didn’t I want to organize photos and clean out my underwear drawer? Didn’t I dream of enjoying a quiet sunset or a lengthy conversation?
Why do I feel the need to justify my daily existence with the busyness of good deeds? If I do enough good works, will it be ok that I don’t bring home a paycheck? Is that what this is about? I feel I must be “doing something” for my life to have value? Please.
I want to learn to just be. I want to hear my own inner voice and I want to remember what it means to "Be still, and know that I am God..." (Psalm 46:10) If I’m still – if I learn to just be – will it mean that I have finally realized I’m not in control?
I want to remember to believe in grace…and to just be. I want to believe that I don’t have to prove my worth…and to be grateful for that. I’m working on it.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Good Enough
I don’t like to “settle” for something that isn’t just right. If the line is crooked, I want it straightened. If the wall is rough, I want it smoothed. If the new bathroom fixture isn’t perfect, I want to send it back. That’s a lot of pressure I’ve put on myself over the years.
Now, I’m learning to be grateful for good enough. I can breathe so much easier and the weight on my shoulders is so much lighter when I can remember that good enough is really and truly ok. (Do you remember saying “really and truly” when you wanted someone in junior high to really and truly believe you?)
When I was a young mother (trying to be perfect), an older nursing professor acquaintance mentioned the concept of the good enough mother to me. That was a totally new notion to me. It opened my mind and gave me permission to breathe sometimes. I didn’t have to be a perfect mother; if I were just good enough, then my child would probably grow into a productive member of society and be reasonably happy anyway. Wow. Relief.
I’ve been thinking about the good enough idea again since I jumped on the blog bandwagon. I’m particularly hesitant about writing something that others will read (even if the four of you who read it are really good friends and/or family). [It’s especially intimidating to think that my sister, the journalism/English major/literacy expert who was a published author before she was out of elementary school, will read this.] Wait…can I use a bracket here? Oh well…it’s good enough to post.
I’m grateful I remembered the good enough concept. I’m going to give myself a break.
Now, I’m learning to be grateful for good enough. I can breathe so much easier and the weight on my shoulders is so much lighter when I can remember that good enough is really and truly ok. (Do you remember saying “really and truly” when you wanted someone in junior high to really and truly believe you?)
When I was a young mother (trying to be perfect), an older nursing professor acquaintance mentioned the concept of the good enough mother to me. That was a totally new notion to me. It opened my mind and gave me permission to breathe sometimes. I didn’t have to be a perfect mother; if I were just good enough, then my child would probably grow into a productive member of society and be reasonably happy anyway. Wow. Relief.
I’ve been thinking about the good enough idea again since I jumped on the blog bandwagon. I’m particularly hesitant about writing something that others will read (even if the four of you who read it are really good friends and/or family). [It’s especially intimidating to think that my sister, the journalism/English major/literacy expert who was a published author before she was out of elementary school, will read this.] Wait…can I use a bracket here? Oh well…it’s good enough to post.
I’m grateful I remembered the good enough concept. I’m going to give myself a break.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Signs of Spring
I’ve not been feeling well for over three weeks. A runny nose, sore throat, sinus infection and ultimately a crummy chest cough have kept me in a fog. Although I have spent the last two days in bed alternately freezing and burning; today, I think I’m beginning to take a turn for the better. Yea.
While I’ve been “away” it seems that spring has begun to find its’ way to the neighborhood. Friday, I noticed just a little green on the trees behind the house. But today, the leaves are really noticeable. Some of the dogwoods are even blooming and cardinals are snacking at the feeder. In front, the azaleas are beginning to flash a little flair.
I’m grateful it’s almost officially spring. (The first day of spring is March 20.) I’m ready for some color. Our neighborhood is beautiful in the spring. It’s an older neighborhood, so most houses have mature trees and blooming plants. Stunning spring color makes me forget about…well almost…the ultramodern house with porpoises poured in the drive next door – as well as the sixties ranch with an Asian-influenced front yard around the corner (complete with artificial deer, white stones and a red bridge to nowhere) .
I love both the palest pink buds the screaming fuchsia blossoms, the bright chartreuse new leaf tips and the deep evergreen magnolia leaves. I’m just excited to see some color.
By fall, I’ll be ready to see the leaves change and begin to drop; but, today, I’m grateful for spring.
While I’ve been “away” it seems that spring has begun to find its’ way to the neighborhood. Friday, I noticed just a little green on the trees behind the house. But today, the leaves are really noticeable. Some of the dogwoods are even blooming and cardinals are snacking at the feeder. In front, the azaleas are beginning to flash a little flair.
I’m grateful it’s almost officially spring. (The first day of spring is March 20.) I’m ready for some color. Our neighborhood is beautiful in the spring. It’s an older neighborhood, so most houses have mature trees and blooming plants. Stunning spring color makes me forget about…well almost…the ultramodern house with porpoises poured in the drive next door – as well as the sixties ranch with an Asian-influenced front yard around the corner (complete with artificial deer, white stones and a red bridge to nowhere) .
I love both the palest pink buds the screaming fuchsia blossoms, the bright chartreuse new leaf tips and the deep evergreen magnolia leaves. I’m just excited to see some color.
By fall, I’ll be ready to see the leaves change and begin to drop; but, today, I’m grateful for spring.
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